Dear Anne-Franc
I have come to you as your intellect and beauty is unmatched on this small island.
I am single for pretty much the first time since 16 and seem to have no ideas with regards to the rules and procedure of chatting up/dating. All my previous relationships have overlapped and to put it crudely I mixed them in like records. I have always waited for girls to come and chat to me but now I want to be more proactive in my approach. Any help you could give me will be truly appreciated.
My love and flirtatious salutations
Anonymous Male
Love and flirtatious salutations are always welcome here anonymous male, unless they are shouted out from a moving vehicle or at an inconvenient hour (see: girl interrupted).
Finding yourself single after a string of relationships ain't easy and why you are wanting to jump into something new right away is beyond me?! I would suggest that you take a bit of un-tied-down time and enjoy being you, yourself... by yourself for a while. But it is obvious to me that you are craving some woman, so I am going to try and give you some tips and hints to sniffing one/some out.
Telling you the right approach is not an easy thing, as us women are complicated creatures, what works for one lady will deter another.
Bar Girls
Approaching a girl and busting out a compliment as a way of starting up conversation, may work with some ladies (possibly the more desperate variety) but with most they will just see it as a line that they assume will be repeated to another girl as soon as they walk on. So, if you do spot someone that steals your interest you are going to have to exercise extreme caution. With a complete stranger you may only get one shot, so take your time and get it right.
Remember that us ladies have eyes at the back of our heads, these eyes are our entourage and if you are looking at her and she is interested, her friends will be looking at you. If they witness you making eyes at a selection of beauties: Game over.
If you get eye contact with this unknown lady more than a couple of times, you may be in for a chance. Do not approach yet, think: tortoise and hare, tortoise and hare. Continue with this catching glimpses game for a while, (from a safe distance- this makes you more interesting) when your lady is ready to go up to the bar or go outside for a cigarette, take this opportunity to make the next move. If she is at the bar, go up and stand next to her, I know this sounds slightly stalker-ish but if she is in anyway interested she will not be getting a restraining order against you just yet. By not rushing up to this gal at the first moment and biding your time, if there is any chance you will have upped it already. Once next to her don't try and start awkward conversation or offer to buy her a drink, if she tries then fabulous but if not get your drink and go back to your mates... If the lady wants to get to know you she will provide another opportunity for you to approach her and if she does, this is the time to start the conversation... By taking your time and going along with this merry little dance you will have provoked an interest that will carry more weight; she will feel more understood and special.
If the lady leaves, after all your tip-toeing around: She isn't interested.
Friendly ladies
Friends of friends are a great way of meeting a lady, the introduction is already made so its plain sailing from here on, in these kinds of situations it is much easier to be your loveable self, plus your friends like you so they will be saying good things. Now that you are single, you have no excuse to not be socially active, so accept invitations and get in touch with old acquaintances. Meeting girls in bars and on the street is the hardest way, so make the most of the sources you already have and put yourself out there!
Common people
Being in a positive state of mind and fully enjoying your environment is a great way to meet someone. Girls love it when boys are in their element. So, if you love music or dancing, go and do what you love, enjoy yourself and hopefully someone will be enjoying you. If you are out watching a band and a lady of interest is sharing your passion, now is a great time to approach her on this subject, I know it sounds cheesy but saying something like "I love these guys..." blah blah blah… will get the conversation started and if she is open to talking she will.
Semi stalk her
If you are interested in a certain girl but you have no idea if she knows you exist, then make yourself known. Sometimes we need to really put ourselves out there to get noticed. If you know she goes to a bar regularly then start going there too, she isn't going to notice you unless she sees you. You may feel unhinged by the hours spent looking at her on facebook but she doesn't know about that! If you are going to semi-stalk do this with caution and certainly do not broadcast it!
Reach out
Maybe there are a few ladies that you are already interested in? If so there is no harm in taking a risk and contacting them directly, while you are reaching out to old friends, reach out to these ladies too, don't be sleazy or demand a date but show that you are interested and would like to meet up. If this seems too abrupt then invite them to something that is coming up that involves mutual friends like a party, after all they can only say no.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
