Dear Anne-Franc,
I have this friend, well ex-friend, I guess, who I grew very close to in the past when we met at our fashion job and shared some really great times with. A couple of years ago she went off to live on the other side of the world as she got this really great new job and I was gutted. At first it was difficult for her as she struggled to make new friends and settle down and so I said I would come and visit her (especially as I was dying to do some travel) even though it cost an arm and a leg!
Anyway, by the time I got there she had clearly made a lot of new friends and everything was going great for her. Excited for her and to be able to see her fabulous new life, I was taken aback when she began to take the piss out of me to her new friends, mocking my attempts to speak the language and pulling 'retard' faces at me. I felt so unwelcome at one point that I felt I had no other option but to go traveling for the remainder of my trip on my own.
I tried to put this behind me when I got home, keeping in contact with her via emails, to which she replied. She eventually came back to the UK but when I excitedly bumped into her at a party she pretty much blanked me and spent the rest of the night avoiding me like the plague. I have absolutely no idea what I have done wrong and when I tried to ask her she just looked blank and said 'nothing'. I have not heard from her since.
Even though it was a while back and I have many other wonderful friends, it still totally pisses me off. I will just continue to get on with my life and try not to feel hung up about it when something reminds me of her... but I guess it's just hurtful being friend dumped.
Jemma, Brighton
Hello Jemma! There is no point in me asking you whether you can think of anything you did to annoy this gal as I am sure this has been fully considered.
Let's see, she invited you out to come and see her and repaid you by ripping you in front of her new found chums, this spells: M.E.A.N G.I.R.L!! What a vile creature, forget this bitch! If there is no cause for this fractured friendship that you can identify, I would guess that she has walked away for one of the following reasons:
Blinded by the light
She had started a new life in this far off land and was terrified of being exposed. Possibly a reinvention had taken place and fear of being found out set her into a panic? Her making you a subject of ridicule would give her increased status and in return any input from you would be viewed as worthless. On return she most likely felt guilt when she saw you... People hate guilt!
Part of a crowd
Some people are not capable of having individual genuine friendships. They enjoy hoards of mates that come in a "beneficial" group package. We all know these group mentalists, strength in numbers but no real friends. Maybe you fitted in with the fashion job, but that's over now and this bitch don't hold no prisoners.
Sour grapes
Ugggh I really hate saying this, but, maybe she just got really jel? A steaming red mist of jealousy and her only way of retaliating was by knocking you down and then dumping you?! Did you wow her new chums with your far from home tales? Was a new girl on the block too much for her to handle??
Some things to consider for shiz....
Moving On:
Due to this behaviour she needs to be out of your life and head, a really rubbish mate. Unless she gets in touch with an apology and valid excuse this cow bag should now be D.E.A.D to you.
Approach this in the same way you would a break up. You have to move on and forget, she decided that it wasn't working and you have to live with that. I understand that it is tough because you have had no answers or an official dumping.
For peace of mind, think:
1. Very rarely do people provide the "real" reason for why they are leaving a relationship
2. Lucky escape
Regain some control by going through a letting go/friend dumping process:
Get a piece of paper and write down her name, then give her an excuse e.g. dumped me because: she was jealous of my open, kind, spirit and my ability to be a good friend. Then write: I am over it. Goodbye
Read, absorb and feel your words.
Now shred, bury or burn!! Ahhhh letting go feels fab!
